Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
