Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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