I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
