you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
