and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize