It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
