I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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