Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
