Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
