You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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