that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we made out on top of his cat.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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