Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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