Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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