Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
