um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
