I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
