he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
