the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
