The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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