Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
