1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
