I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
