It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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