this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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