dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
