Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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