Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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