Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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