dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
