He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
