i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
