wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
