Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
