I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
