If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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