she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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