So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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