I'm so fucking centered right now
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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