I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
