Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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