There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
