my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
