The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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