just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
