The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
wow bdsm is so cute
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
