i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize