At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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