no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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