Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
