Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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