watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
