last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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