conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
even my farts smell like vagina
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I want a musical about memes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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