I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
