NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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