I could make wine with my vomit
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
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you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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