brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
