Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
