if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
