So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
