my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
